Until recently, I had never heard of the term "scanxiety." The term perfectly describs how I feel about scans. At one point, my scanxiety got so bad that I briefly contemplated not getting scans. After a little chat with Dr. Seng, I quickly changed my mind. He said that even if the cancer does come back there is a lot more he can do for me. I was under the impression that if the cancer came back I would be a goner. So.......I continue with the scans.
One of my children has had a difficult time dealing with my cancer diagnosis. She and I went to a child therapist together (Dana Tennison). Dana gave Sophia some good tips for dealing with her anxiety that have also helped me. Dana describes anxiety as a monster.
Dana's first tip: "The monster does not like to be talked about. So, talk about the monster and the monster will shrink." It is helpful for me think of anxiety as the monster, and how I need to talk about my fear of a recurrence. I cannot keep that fear inside.
A second tip from Dana: "The monster likes to make predictions. If you hear the words 'what if,' the monster is likely in the room. The monster only makes bad predictions. You don't have to believe his predictions." This is so true. When was the last time your anxiety said, "You beat cancer! Your scan will be great! Go have a great day!"
Another one of Dana's tips: "The monster wants you to believe that whatever happens to you, you will not be able to handle it. But, that's not true. Even if your biggest fear happens, you will be able to handle it." If someone had told me that at the age of 37 I would receive an advanced cancer diagnosis, and go through six months of chemo and four surgeries in 11 months, I would have said, "I won't be able to handle it." And yet, I did.
A little over a week ago I received the results from my latest scan. The cancer has not returned. It was a hard few weeks leading up to the scan. At times, I thought I was going to lose my mind over the possibility of the cancer returning. I made it through it. My next scan is in January. I am trying my hardest to enjoy these cancer-free months and not let the scanxiety creep back in.
